I fell ill a couple of weeks before school was supposed to start but after getting a little better I was at least able to finish and upload my latest painting. After finding out there had been problems with informing all students about the info gathering of this school year, a new date was set and I finally attended the gathering expecting to simply select the courses for this year and receive my schedule. However, they had shocking news to all of us: our government had cut the budget for the whole secondary education with a six-digit number and for the already struggling upper secondary schools for adults it meant a complete disaster. My school couldn’t afford organising contact teaching and classes nearly at all anymore and the students would have to do the majority of studying independently via online courses. This announcement came out of blue for the school principal as well and us students had absolutely no idea of it before the gathering.
To me it felt like the ground had suddenly disappeared below my feet. Given my background my whole recovery and the maintenance of my ability to study and function regardless of my mental illnesses had based on being able to attend school I could no longer attend. It’s the constant everyday rhythm going to school has provided me that has kept me sane, so to speak, and in a way boosted my capacity. Also, I was supposed to start with my finals next spring and graduate in autumn 2015 and I had just lost the ability to attend some vital specialisation courses which would’ve helped me prepare for the finals a great deal. However, I met my student’s counselor and made a preparative schedule for this year and signed up for three courses for the first period, in which I only have one math class per week and the rest is up to me to study independently. So far I’ve managed to keep up with the schedule but it has been hard without a teacher and contact classes.
So, because my days would lack something concrete to do and some place concrete to go from now on, I started thinking about looking for a job. For the past couple of years I’ve lived with special allowances which have been paid for me provided that I’d attend rehabilitation (going to school in my case) with the intention of regaining my ability to work. And since I’m doing so much better these days and apparently have reached the goals of my rehabilitation, I thought there was no reason to agree to stay inside my apartment and slowly fall into that dreadful abyss of emptiness and depression I had already got out of once. I decided I will start job hunting and give up my allowances as soon as I’d get hired and become capable of supporting myself.
Over a few weeks I sent applications to different companies until one of them called me back and invited me for an interview. It seemed like a miracle and I was a complete nervous wreck before, during and after the interview but indeed got the job! My orientation starts next month and I have a chance to work full-time with a pretty good salary until I graduate and move on to different city. The company I’ll be working for does mostly telemarketing (insurances, etc.) and customer services for dozens of different firms and I’ll be trained to work with different tasks variedly. I’m very excited about joining their team and I’ll do my very best to succeed in this job so that my sustenance will be secured for as long as I’ll hang around here! And what makes all this even better is that one of my closest friends is working for the same company too and after growing up in the same row house, going to same school and continuing our friendship after something like 20 years we’ll now become co-workers as well! Isn’t that the most wonderful thing?
Now it looks like everything turned out for the best in the end, although I was already close to hopelessness at one point. Right now I’m studying biology, health ed and math with my own schedule, attending school for one hour per week and waiting for my first day at work (and trying to recover from this tough cold I’m having again…). And because the past weeks have been so stressful to me I haven’t had much inspiration to paint but I’m still working slowly on something new. I suppose my enthusiasm for art will return completely as soon as I’ve got a hold of my new daily routine and had my life settled down again. I know I’m taking a huge leap forward with the job and everything and I can’t deny I wouldn’t feel a little scared but isn’t that how it always is with bigger changes in life? And after all I need to move on and step out of my comfort zone into the unknown one day and regardless of the hint of self-doubt, I think I’m ready to try out my wings now and hope for the best.
I’d still have so much more to tell you but I think this entry has got a long enough now and I need to save the rest of the news for another time. I can’t promise I’ll become more active in the near weeks but I’ll do my best to show up to at least answer comments and check out the newest uploads whenever I can.
I hope you guys have been doing alright and life has treated you well! Feel free to share what you’ve been up to recently, too! Also, thank you so much for sticking with me regardless of the fact I’ve been rather inactive here again. Take care of yourselves, talk to you soon again!
I'm a 20-year-old thingy from the Northern backwoods, also known as Varkaus, Finland. I'm a student of the local upper secondary school for adults. I'm interested in digital art, photography, decorating, nature, history and useless daydreaming. I consider myself quite an outsider observer with a highly introverted personality. I'm also a Twin Peaks enthusiast, spiritual atheist, liberal, lacto-ovo-vegetarian, bisexual, teetotaller and paired up with one awesome dude!|
My tools of trade are Wacom Bamboo Pen A6, Adobe Photoshop CS3 and Nikon D3100. I only paint for myself so I do not do commissions, trades, collaborations or requests.